If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
