just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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