That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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