Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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