Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
