he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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