new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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