i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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