my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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