so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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