Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
