dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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