What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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