people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
