So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
