Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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