i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
