A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Semen is not good for contacts.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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