shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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