he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
