she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Barsexuality is the new black.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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