he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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