I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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