I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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