I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
