He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
