Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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