people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
