I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
