You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
