I wish I could teleport
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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