did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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