Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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