I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
