distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
