i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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