Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
