He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
