Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
