Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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