she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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