I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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