First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So much rum. So many feels.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
