I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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