just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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