He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
