I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
