Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
