goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
did you just send me my own nude
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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