Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
